Closing Shop

If I were in front of a microphone gazing towards a gargantuan audience, I’d sigh loudly into the mic followed by a slow sweep across the audience with my eyes, in total lasting approximately half a minute — though, in reality, it’d feel like an eternity. I would then shuffle my papers behind the lectern (not a podium, guys), and begin with, “It is with the most sincere regret and humility that I inform you of this national loss …” 

Unfortunately — or perhaps it’s fortunate — there is no large audience, and even more unfortunate is the lack of a microphone with which I might be able to gather an audience. Regardless of the attendance, I’m going to continue with my announcement, pretending that you haven’t already figured out what I’m about to say with the clear evidence provided by both the title of this post and the accompanying image: This blog is coming to an end. For those of you who require the statement being repeated again: Straight, No Chaser is ended.

I would express my sympathy, but frankly, I feel no sympathy — this blog is a broke down Pacer that had long ago ended its intended purpose, if we’re generous enough to grant it a purpose to start with. I launched my first blog inspired by what others were doing, admittedly a little late for the blogging train — I live on a physically large but fairly ignored island off the west coast of Canada guys, not exactly a pop culture mecca — and followed it with another failure or two before becoming stubborn enough to regard “failure of intended goals” as a large mole on another person’s face, meaning that it’s entertaining for a bit but you eventually need to get past it and see this mole-stained thing as a person … Wait, that’s not right. I meant that the aspirations I had for myself became unrealistic and needed to be reevaluated. Yeah, that sounds more like it. So I plugged away at this here blog for more than two years, and since having attained my new job and been in as well as overheard many discussions on topics that have brought upon much needed self-reflection — don’t worry, the end of the sentence is coming — I’m throwing in the towel.

Blogging for me is not over; in fact, far from it. I’m going to launch a new blog anonymously with a focus on writing. There are not going to be any quick links, which really are a sorry excuse for regular posting. (There are a lot of inspiration blogs out there, which are great — I mean you guys no offence — but this here blog of mine was never intended as such.) The prospect of doing things anonymously is a little exciting because I can use all the language and honesty I want. (Yes, I realize that in this day and age there is virtually no such thing as “anonymous”, but the blanket that even a small bit of mystery offers has me ready to put some verbal shit in bags and ring a few doorbells.)

So, look for me if you want, but frankly it’s probably going to end up fruitless; even if presented with the question, I intend on denying any involvement with my future blog.

Good night, and good luck.


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