Closing Shop

If I were in front of a microphone gazing towards a gargantuan audience, I’d sigh loudly into the mic followed by a slow sweep across the audience with my eyes, in total lasting approximately half a minute — though, in reality, it’d feel like an eternity. I would then shuffle my papers behind the lectern (not a podium, guys), and begin with, “It is with the most sincere regret and humility that I inform you of this national loss …”  Continue reading